★Listening to: Mindless Self Indulgence - Shut Me Up
★ Gaming: Binding Of Issac
★
★
★
★
★
★
Too much has been going on for me right now and honestly, it's hard for me not to just want to give up and quit. I'm unsure what it is but I've hit a point where I keep trying but nothing is helping me. I don't even have the will to draw. I have only had a few moments of my life where gets like this. It's always when my critical brain advances faster than my hand or skillset. My life has also been majorly down and might be for a few months so my art has been subpar along with my skill set. At least to my vibes on what direction my art should be going in. I feel like I should be drawing but every time I draw the worst comes out it's like my fundamentals went on vacation without notice. I do believe it's stress. I have been in survival mode for years and now that I don't have to be in an abusive environment it's like I forgot who I am.
I just don't have motivation for much rn ...my art, myself, and it's hard to feel certain emotions right now. When I'm hanging out with friends I feel horribly numb. When I talk to folks I feel so lackluster, like what even is the point. I can't even enjoy what I used to love. It's like having my depression on X- Games mode. I'm going to try and figure it out. I'm hoping in a few months This can pass honestly. I'm getting tired of not enjoying the one thing I love as a hobby.. it's kinda causing me more stress than anything weh.
This is a commission I'm working on it was originally an icon but bumped it up because couldn't fit the image onto an icon and that made me feel bad but the quality is better. I will say coloring black or white has never been a strong area for me, the oc is completely black but I'm liking the color hues on this so I think I'll keep it and work on it more. It will definitely take me some time.
I'm not supposed to be working on commissions since I'm on a break but IDK what else to do my brain feels fried while I wait to start this new job soon. There is so much I want to fix with this image but so far this is all I can muster because the foundation sketch was actually decent compared to what I was doing before. Whatever this art mess/block is I hope it passes. I am not enjoying it at all ;-; Oh well. If It doesn't stop soon I might actually have to start offering refunds slowly to older commissions cause I'm stressed out with art as a whole.
Just super exhausted and super out of it..hopefully this new job puts a lil pep in my step.
