Lets get Professional

★Current Mood: 😳 Excited
★Listening to: Kings of the Rollers - You Got Me
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FOR FUTURE COMMISSIONERS

Take a peak at my quality and Resume ^.^
This is not a commission offer post but A resume so you can feel safe and secure doing work with an artist with 17 years worth of remote/commission experience.

Website: http://www.taintedsweetmeats.com/p/home-page.html

Build Rapport

here is a recording so you know what I sound like, what you will experience with me, and what to expect. Take a listen

-Audio here: https://voca.ro/1fQZ5wJgvThs

Resume and Fave works

(click to view larger files)

So from here on out while I finish up my queue
this will be my new way of going about things
Busy Busy Busy

Hello Hoochies!!!

★Current Mood: 💞 Determined
★Listening to: Otep - Battle Ready
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LONG TIME NO SEE!!!

I swear my current job has been kicking my ass which leaves virtually no time for art... both for personal and commission queue and it irritates me. Honestly, I'm looking for another job cause I've already lost interest in this tech one I'm in.

 My personal life has been great tho, just been vibing with friends and as usual a new hottie in my life *paws at mi southern big head* oh yum.

On a positive note after 5-6 months of not really arting, I stayed up all night talking to my fave papi chulo RUDRAAA and we just art jammed all night. We were being feral fr. But made a lil sly yote icon and just went ham. Just a lil practice PRACTICE!

original concept art of it below LMFAOOO

gotta start somewhere I guess 

but I legit, this sketch has been sitting on my pc for ages from like April and I finally finished it..goodness

Anyways gonna be on the hunt for a new job while I try to get back into the swing of art and reclaiming my god damn mind back from the stress of my last job fr.

Later big heads!!

Major Art Block + Life

★Current Mood: 💫 Tired
★Listening to: Mindless Self Indulgence - Shut Me Up
★ Gaming: Binding Of  Issac
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Too much has been going on for me right now and honestly, it's hard for me not to just want to give up and quit. I'm unsure what it is but I've hit a point where I keep trying but nothing is helping me. I don't even have the will to draw. I have only had a few moments of my life where gets like this. It's always when my critical brain advances faster than my hand or skillset. My life has also been majorly down and might be for a few months so my art has been subpar along with my skill set. At least to my vibes on what direction my art should be going in. I feel like I should be drawing but every time I draw the worst comes out it's like my fundamentals went on vacation without notice. I do believe it's stress. I have been in survival mode for years and now that I don't have to be in an abusive environment it's like I forgot who I am.

I just don't have motivation for much rn ...my art, myself, and it's hard to feel certain emotions right now. When I'm hanging out with friends I feel horribly numb. When I talk to folks I feel so lackluster, like what even is the point. I can't even enjoy what I used to love. It's like having my depression on X- Games mode. I'm going to try and figure it out. I'm hoping in a few months This can pass honestly. I'm getting tired of not enjoying the one thing I love as a hobby.. it's kinda causing me more stress than anything weh.

This is a commission I'm working on it was originally an icon but bumped it up because couldn't fit the image onto an icon and that made me feel bad but the quality is better. I will say coloring black or white has never been a strong area for me, the oc is completely black but I'm liking the color hues on this so I think I'll keep it and work on it more. It will definitely take me some time.

I'm not supposed to be working on commissions since I'm on a break but IDK what else to do my brain feels fried while I wait to start this new job soon. There is so much I want to fix with this image but so far this is all I can muster because the foundation sketch was actually decent compared to what I was doing before. Whatever this art mess/block is I hope it passes. I am not enjoying it at all ;-; Oh well. If It doesn't stop soon I might actually have to start offering refunds slowly to older commissions cause I'm stressed out with art as a whole. 

Just super exhausted and super out of it..hopefully this new job puts a lil pep in my step.

Opeth & Mastodon + life update

★Current Mood: 😜 Happy
★Listening to: Frances Yip -上海灘

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I am so hyped!

Went to a Mastodon/Opeth concert Tuesday and it was amazing!!!!

Here are some photos(credit to me) and videos ^.^ (credit: Kish for snagging them I was too busy headbanging and my phone is trash.)

 

I was so happy to actually go to this considering these are both my favorite bands. When Blood and thunder came on I legit blacked out and started moshing. The entire floor turned into a mosh pit my god it was amazing.

Here is the song that turned the floor into one big pit

So a lot is changing for me.

Still settling into my apartment and I start my new job mid-may and have 6 weeks of training. So stress off my back.

As for my art, I have hit a huge art block where my critical eye is moving faster than my hands can keep up so at this point. So I'm going back to fundamentals and relearning myself. I get these patches often but eh this time I'm going to work through it vs feel anxious about it and default.

I also left Twitter as a platform. I'm not comfy with elon musk owning it and tbh this has been a long time coming. I just don't care for the platform and decided to just use my personal discord as a gallery and start reposting on deviant art, Instagram, and furaffinity. Also, my personal website is the main hub. I've always had my love-hate for Twitter and solely been planning to leave regardless but man did that elon shit just make my choice absolute.

Hopefully, my work can evolve more now.

Sleepy Kitty.... Zzzzzzzzzzz

★Current Mood: 😓 Tired
★Listening to: The Birthday Massacre - Red Stars
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I am growing so tired of not feeling secure or being able to settle after my move. Things are covered for a certain amount of time but then what yuh know... I can't shake the feeling of dread. I can't tell if it's actual dread of the future or just dread because I like to plan ahead with certainty. I hate not knowing what it is.

Currently trying to find a job to have a more sure stable income. I can not count on commissions because I can not count on my mental health and that's not something I am willing to gamble on right now.

On a positive note, I will be going to my first furry con this summer and doing artist alley so that's nice! So all I  have to do is make some original content for sale, get stickers and prints ready and I'm good to go! I just feel so happy I'll be going to my first ever con within distance too. YAY!

But yeah this big ol floof is tired af.... I need a break and some much-needed TLC....

Move in is a go go!!!

★Current Mood: 😃 Giggly
★Listening to: VOWWS - Structure of Love II (Renholdër Remix)
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After almost 2 months of fuckery. I am finally moved into my new apartment!

FUCK YES PLZ

Welp still no art for a bit and honestly I'm going to be busy for the next 3 weeks unpacking, clearing and getting my art area organized. While I look for jobs, I'll be crunching down my queue as fast as possible, so I can focus on my outside job, personal work and if I need to new commissions when I open again.

So nice to finally be able to god damn breath... And Now I have my pc back I can show some wips I had  to abruptly stop. Hopefully to get finished soon.

 A lil spoof chibi for me to test styles and MI LIKEY

I might honestly redo this one, but it was a good color mock up vvvvvv

Anyways So tired but  cant wait to actually get back to work on commissions on my queue

Buh Bye for now 

 

JFC A Relic

★Current Mood: 💭 Thoughtful
★Listening to:  MTV Video Mods
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I was randomly watching found lost media and the entire seasons of mtv video mods was found. I forgot in 2005 I used to watch this series religiously. The series was way before its time honestly merging video games and music for the time. Some of my faves

I really forgot this was a thing.. and how much I enjoyed it.

Ugh Tired Ol Updated

★Current Mood: 😓 Exhausted
★Listening to:  Deftone - Diamond Eyes
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This has been such a sideways month....the year started off so well but I can't count on my family, particularly my mother to stay sane for more than a second. The good news is I got my self an apartment. An I'm completely disowning my family as a whole. There is just a pattern I've noticed since I was a teen with my mother. Of this on and off, I love and support you then demonizing me if I call her out on her conspiracy/anti-vax head space. An I cant say I haven't tried with this women. I have tried since I was 14 and even more so in my entire 20's till recently. It's okay for me to admit my mother is just a god damn nut job. An I'm more than okay admitting she is a narcissistic mother with mental illness that she does not want to address because she herself does not believe mental illness even exists due to her conspiracy theorist head space.

I really thought coming out as trans was a bonding moment for us. I really thought, finally she is listening and we are having a break through. Only for her to throw it in my face when she needed to use it against me. The pattern is not new and I couldn't see how she could throw my own admission...among other things in my face when its my truth. Now After all of this and me finding a new apartment, which I will be moving into soon in about 2 1/2 weeks. I had to ask my asian side some concerning questions... was my mother always like this? Even prior to my birth. What do you know... the same bullshit my mother has been pulling on me for years was shit she pulled on my father. Tons of lies on that man. Mind you most was revealed during and after my dads funeral. Though her patterns are more confirmed after asking my uncle about her and telling him everything that happened between my mom and me the beginning of February.

I'm a bit shocked because I knew my mother was a bit off but I blamed it on unchecked mental illness for the longest. Now I can not give her that excuse anymore. I'm really starting to see she is just out right evil and she does things only for her and no one else. An if you correct her horrible abusive behaviour even towards others in the family she throws violent fits. This can be verbal, mental, or even physical which she does all in one go. An all of what she has done to me she has done to my father which is no wonder he stayed away and snuck to see me only when I was over my grams house (his mother). A lot of things are adding up and its just sad it became clear now well over a decade.

I feel with people who arn't blood, it's easy for me to pick up abusive natures and dead the growing bond without hesitation. Yet with my own mother I have given her chances upon chances that just doesn't add up with how I deal with this at its core just because I held out hope because she is my mother. This time around I will not do this. My step father told me that when things cool down I'm welcomed to move back and in my honest opinion....I'm happy she showed the worst side of her colors for me to completely disown her. I have had many times of moving out and moving back in even more so because she weasels her way back into my emotions. I just have to face reality that she will never change. She does not want a bond in the slightest. What she wants is control over me and tbh the signs were always visible. My stupid wear my heart on my sleeves havin ass just didnt want to see it and was completely rose tinted.

MMMMM A good month for a big fat cat

★Current Mood: 😀 Artistic
★Listening to:  FKA Twigs - Ride The Dragon
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Wooooooooooooooo what a great start to my year and more!

So updates!! Came out to my mom as trans and got fully accepted as per my last entry. I am fully medicated and now my brain is working mad good. I'm able to just draw and not feel fatigued doing basic things. I'm chomping through my queue like its nothing and soon I'll be sure to be done with my commissions before the summer. An I haven't felt this confident and happy with my product turn out in a very long time. Since 2016 really. An this is a good thing. It just means I feel mentally healthy moving forward.

As for my transness and getting on T. Now that I don't feel the burden of being in the closet I actually don't mind waiting, since I'm on a waiting list atm. So Life is great in this department.

Got some work done and blowing through my queue and these are what I have so far and I love em. I hope to keep giving quality as I go through my queue!

 

As for personal work, TBH I've been keeping to myself but in time I will be posting more personal stuff. I just want to get my queue down a bit more. But I do need to post more personal and character concepts, cause I'm mentally getting fried. Like having a healthy balance with art. Though I'll admit, its getting addicting finishing stuff on my queue back to back so.. WE WILL SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE about this healthy balance stuff!!!

Some personal shit I deff need to finish ...I hate how I am near done and I just stop but oh well. It will get done eventually.

This one is a tester icon I'm just ??? with.. I  downloaded some odd traditional brushes but its looking kinda cool. also never drawn a seal before so meh good practice I'll be sure to finish.

Welp I have a ton more in personal I need to scan and start coloring...but as time goes cause... I have a personal project I need to get too as well. I cry. 

New Year, New Bitch!

★Current Mood: 😃 Awake
★Listening to: Björk- Mutual Core
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I'm so fucking hyped for this year!!!! You have no idea!!
I came out to my mom as trans on my birthday on Jan 4th and lets just say she fully accepted me. I was ready for a whole ass fight, for an argument, even being kicked out of my home. What I got was...I knew something was up, I accept you, and don't cut off your long ass hair LMFAOO

With all the internal family drama even being here before I was born.... between my mom and father.... and after a certain point in my teen hood ... me and my mom weren't exactly close. Hell we were pretty rabid towards each other. I'm honestly shocked she was so accepting. Maybe its the way I approached her. I mean at the end of the day she was all for this. An now I don't feel like there is this wall between my mom anymore.. I feel like I can actually talk to her and be around her without stress. I feel I can be around her as well and she is completely happy that I'm happy to just talk more to her. Now I feel damn maybe I should of did this years ago. So it was the start of a my year and it started off strong and great and honestly still is!

Also psych doctor GOT!!! I'm so ready for my appointment at the end of the month and to be back on meds. It has been so hard to actually focus on anything other than self care. I still have to make my appointments to get T....and so far they have been booked at planned parenthood. So I might check in with my actual clinic and see if they do HRT and if they do, good cause it would be closer to me...travel time wise.

So now I think I can focus on commissions again.. It's been hard even for my personal work at the end of last year but now I got some hope and some damn end results! So far messing with some stuff on my queue.

then this icon I need to finish this week at best

ALSO SUPER EXCITED FOR MY VISIT TO SEE MY PARTNER IN PHILLY FOR VALENTINES DAY!

Practically 2 weeks with my fave boopie. With so many planned dates. An a surprise date for the big day itself. Been trying to pry it out of my love since they told me. But they are being super tight lipped about it and I'm just jittery! I can not wait! To be honest I'm just super happy to get about 2 weeks of fun and fluffin if yuh know what I mean